winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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