Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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