My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
