just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
