I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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