After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I touched a dick in church today
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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