Tell her she can't have a vagina
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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