were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
