and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
