So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
