Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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