Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
