I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
This couple is walking their pig around campus
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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