I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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