You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
