Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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