Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize