There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
