So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
