no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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