the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
