Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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