dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
