I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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