ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
