I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
