So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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