You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
