wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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