I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
