The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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