Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
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