hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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