These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm just crazy horny about you
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
