K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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