And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
