Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
