I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
