i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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