Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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