It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
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I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
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He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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