Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
