My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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