you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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