After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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