i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
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