so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
