I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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