That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance