I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize