I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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