Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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