Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
