apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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