how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
