were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
