well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
