remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
