so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
