Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
