Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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