We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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