So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
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