I wish I could punch you in the face.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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