i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
