just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
