I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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