so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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