You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
