so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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