i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
