is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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