I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
