Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
