Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize