I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize